Wednesday, February 28, 2007

"Hi kids, we're home earl-leeeee..."

New Flava in Ya Ear!

Earlier today whilst on a pee break at work, I occupied the lone urinal hidden to the left of two open stalls. I heard someone approach from behind and made an attempt to save that person the awkwardness of getting within a foot of my wang and I before realizing the urinal was taken. I did this by coughing and flushing but to no avail. The shadowy mystery man stepped behind me, caught himself and gave the barely audible "oh" before ducking into the furthest stall. Hearing the gentleman taking a hearty number one to my right, I took my time in shaking, zipping up, flushing, washing and drying my hands. If this person were taking a number two, which is just wrong, I would have continued to cough, wash, and dry to mask the poo'ing sounds and exited the bathroom as quickly as possible. As I crumpled up my paper towel and used it to open the bathroom door (can't be too careful) I heard the guy in the stall fart multiple times and it sounded exactly like the opening to "Brass Monkey."

Beastie Boys - Brass Monkey

Al Morganti Might Sniff Glue...

I tend to completely agree with things that WIP Morning personality Al Morganti says. Just two weeks ago, he wrote a particularly scathing story about Donovan McNabb STILL believing that his three turnovers and complete mismanagement in the closing minutes of Super Bowl XXXIX had nothing to do with the Philadelphia Eagles losing. McNabb, in an interview with reporters during Super Bowl week believes T.O.'s unwillingness to step out of the game is what did them in. Morganti went on to say that McNabb needs to man up and stop blaming all his troubles on the suicidal driveway workout guru, Mr. Owens. Agreed!

Fast forward to last night in the waning minutes of Flyers Post Game Live. Michael Barkann and Al Morganti had just finished the highlights of the Flyers 6-5 OT loss to the NY Islanders and were heading to commercial. Morganti turns to his counterpart and says "Nice shirt!" When you say nice shirt to someone, you don't really mean that their shirt is nice (unless you're my grandmother). It is assumed that with playful on-air banter like this, when a sarcastic remark such as "nice shirt" is made, the other person will chuckle and throw back his own barb or insult. It shows a sense of commaraderie and respect between the two.

Now, two things go wrong here: 1) If Al Morganti were to look in the mirror, he'd see that in most cases he's dressed like a high school English teacher in the late 1980's. Michael Barkann, is a very nice man ( I once bumped into him at a Flyers game, literally, and left the experience with both my wallet and an apology) that wears really expensive looking suits. There's a commercial starring five or six Michael Barkans hanging out at the Wachovia Center, and I'm told that no CGI or movie magic were necessary to pull it off. As far as Comcast is concerned, he's omni-present and his wardrobe shows that fact. 2) Barkann did not laugh. He didn't chuckle or shoot an embarrassed, red faced smile at the camera. He sort of stared at Al Morganti for a minute, not understanding exactly what twilight zone episode he had just stepped into.

Things started to heat up at this moment. In the background I can imagine the cameraman stopped eating his ham sandwich and looked over at the producer, who helplessly put his hands up to signify his confusion. I can see multiple pairs of people in the studio turning to each other at the same time, silently conveying the question that was on everyone's mind in the viewing audience. "What is he doing?" At this point, Morganti begins to move uncomfortably, shifting his glance from Barkann to the camera (we the audience) the way the late, great Rodney Dangerfield might have. I kept waitng for him to straighten his tie. And just when you think they'll go to some poorly produced Cherry Hill Nissan commercial, Morganti opens his mouth again. "Did you steal that from my closet?" he says. Okay... I'm with you on this. He's backpeddaling after seeing his original comment didn't sit well. He's saying that it was a bad shirt, but it came from his own closet. Humility will get you everywhere in this world. "I put it in your closet." he says. SHUT THE F*CK UP!

What followed were more comments about this closet and that closet and I think there was a summarization of some plot from a Smurf's episode I watched as a kid. Imagine that the "Land of Confusion" song by Genesis was some sort of mass that could be rolled up into a ball or projectile and shot into Al Morganti's face. That's what the last 30-40 seconds of this interaction were like. Thankfully, Michael Barkann turned to the camera and said, "That means something TO HIM," before my head exploded. It reminded me of watching early American Idols, where the "castaways" perform dressed in trash bags and sing like Tiny Tim. I was embarrassed FOR him, to the point where I had to change the channel to "Bruce Almighty" on USA. Morgan Freeman as God... Ah, now I know everything is gonna be okay.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Has Anybody Else Done This???!!!

I made this a long time ago. In Bethlehem. Google search "not going anywhere for awhile..." and see what you come up with. Nothing says "Proud to be an American" like a U.S. soldier fighting insurgency... that, and nougat.


About 4 or 5 months ago, I was traveling in my auto-mo-bile and listening to my Sirius satellite radio. A personal favorite station of mine called "Left of Center" was introducing me to a band by the name of Pinback. I dug the song, and scribbled its name (Non Photo Blue) on a piece of paper in a cubby on the dash. Fast forward to yesterday, a snowy and dreary Sunday, where I found said scribbled piece of paper with said song title upon it. Here's the song for your listening pleasure. is a great site for finding rare bits of info and links to songs from bands you're trying to research by the way. Use it!

Pinback - Non Photo Blue.mp3

Pinback on Myspace

Virtual Reality

Sunday, February 25, 2007

WarioWare, by Jack Handy

A co-worker recently asked me to accompany him on a lunch break in search of the elusive Wii. I had already purchased 3 myself, and figured some of that good luck would rub off on him. To GameStop we went, but ALAS, no Wiis in sight. So my friend decided he'd immediately purchase the four games he was going to buy once he did secure that rare prize.

Not actually owning a wii and owning 4 games is quite the problem, one I solved by stealing (borrowing) all four! In true nerd fashion, I invited quite a few friends over to try out said games. By the end of the night, the obvious stand out from the pack was Wario-Ware. Upon booting up the game, you're treated to hilarious cut scene after hilarious cut scene. When you enter a particular level, each with their own theme, you're called upon to hold/use the wii-mote in a certain way to quickly achieve certain tasks. One of the hardest tasks facing game designers, especially those those who develop for the wii, is teaching the user how to play without bogging them down or making them feel like they're back in grade school.

Here's a video showing the amazingly drab delivery of the holding positions for the wiimote, tutorials that hark back to "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" skits on SNL.

He worked for his money...

F*ck Terrorism!!!

Monday, February 12, 2007

the first...

blah blah blog.