Thursday, April 26, 2007

"Bring Him Home..."

For once in my life, I'm being sincere. Colm Wilkinson is a stage actor and established singer and the song he is performing is from Les Miserables.

BRB, LOLZ!!! VT ; )

Probably not the most ideal away message... in light of recent events.

How 2 Shade Out, on a Shady Shadester.


Joe Manning, aka Joe Manna, aka Jimmy Sebra, aka the Shadow, is the shadiest character ever to float across the face of this earth. This power usually pertains to his ability to get to a front row seat at a concert he didn't even pay for in the first place. In this particular post, I focus in on his use of shadow to get away from danger, like a squid using his ink to evade a predator. Invite him to a party or some sort of social gathering, and if he does in fact show (something he's gotten better at), he'll eventually fade into the dark recesses of some corner and disappear, never to be seen again. I am NOT exagerrating. He's more elusive than Brian Westbrook in the open field. At one point he'll be there drinking your beer and complaining that its not New Castle, or he'll be manipulating your Itunes party playlist so that 3 Phish songs play shortly after 3 Talking Heads songs are through, and then POOF (BAMF), he's gone. No goodbye. No thanks for having me. Rumor has it that he recently broke up with this girl he was dating, and 1 month later she awoke to realize he wasn't there... and that she was in fact single. He's THAT good. After the jump, a tale of how the tables were turned on young Joe, plus some pictures of the place.


My video, as you now know, details the major mishap of the night at Mr. Manning's first party at his new place. The keg was FUGG'D. This is a re-occuring problem for Joe. I recall one time attending a party at Joe's old house, where he had to cut open a party ball and empty its contents into a utility sink for mass consumption. Mishap II involves the poor male/female ratio at this party. There were 116 guys and two and a half girls. Now, I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years, so it isn't exactly mandatory that there be a decent male/female ratio at any party I'm attending. I'm not looking, but it helps put everybody in a good mood when there's a potential for sexual tomfoolery between SOMEONE and SOMEONE else. Truth be told, there was just too much uncertainty at this party (his first I might add, so there's potential for the future). Will that big kid go and get his own tap? Should we go to a bar and get beer and come back? Should we just hit up South Street? How long can I talk to Ray about having sex with Becky at her beach house? Something had to be done.


So, tearing a page out of Mr. Manning's manual of the SHADE... I waited for Rach(my gf) to exit the bathroom, grabbed her by the wrist and said, "Let's go." "What...? Shouldn't we say goodbye...?" she said. "Noooo... let's run... let's become one with the shadows," I said. So I led her to the front door, both of us casting one last look back to the kitchen . I remind you, we are amateurs. Joe has been doing this for years, so there was a bit of fear and trepidation in all of this. We opened the front door and pulled it closed behind us. The latch on the door clasped shut with a click... and we were on our way into the night.


To bring all this nonsense to a close, I can sum up this experience using an action sequence from the Lord of the Rings. When we took leave from the party, it felt like we were Frodo putting on the ring TO RULE THEM ALL. We stepped into this other world, this dark realm. We passed two kids on their way back to the party and I swear they looked just like those witch kings. "You guys leaving?" they asked. There was no answer. Our reply came in the rustling of leaves or in the squeal of a rusty street sign. We were no longer there. There was nothing to be seen... only the shadows.


from Joe's rooftop.


the back grotto


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

BIRTHDAY (PICTURE) CANDLE BLOWOUT!!!

Finally, I can be rid of these birtday pictures. First paint by numbers, then after the jump jump jump-a-roo, misc goodies (including a very rare "Martin is frustrated with Joe's complex beer pong tournament" video).










Monday, April 23, 2007

Have No Fear...


In honor of EVERYONE'S favorite show, "Heroes", coming back from hiatus tonight, I thought I'd share this local gem with you. You see, I was quite scared of moving out on my own and I heard hundreds of horror stories about crime in the Great NorthEast. Well, all those fears were assauged when I saw the V-mobile on patrol in my neighborhood. Now I sleep like a baby on a morphine drip.

Comcast Basic Cable Coincidental Actor Double Feature Profile: Josh Hartnett.


I have a theory. At any given moment on any given day, two motion pictures are playing on basic cable, on two seperate channels (same channel is a cop out), featuring the same actor. Try it for yourself. Tonight, scan those Comcast TV channel guides for "formatted to fit your screen" or "edited content for time" motion pictures. For some reason, the channel info guide likes to put the most obscure actors from said films in the movie description. A film could star Brad Pitt and Sharon Stone, and this thing will say that Dan Hedaya and Crispin Glover are in it. My point is that you might have to know a thing or two about the film in order for this to work. But it does... I swears.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Dubya Dubya III

Close up after the jump.


also, in case you missed it...

Hurricane Bush

Gay Bash Bush

Do You Remember This...???

Sometimes, when someone is counting out loud around me... I'll start singing this... to see if they join in. Most don't, cept for them Pointer Sisters.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Wamp! Wamp! What It Do...?

My first favorite Versus in the whole wide world is the one on my TV that shows the NHL playoffs (and the occassional PBR nutjobs on the back of a bull). My 2nd favorite versus are the ones that inovlve "mashing up" one band with another for our listening enjoyment. The Hood Internet is home to the likes of DJ STV SLV and ABX, individuals who like to put today's popular rap to the musical accompanyment of today's hottest indie-rock. My personal favorite has to be ABX's Clipse Your Hands Say Wamp Wamp (self explantory), followed closely by R. Kelly's I'm a Flirt, featuring Broken Social Scene. If only I had found this site before last Friday. Thanks to Gorilla vs. Bear (IRONY) for its digi-guiding light.

Clipse Your Hands Say Wamp Wamp.mp3

I'm a Flirt.mp3

More 2 Come... I Swears, I Swears...

More pictures from my 27th B-day party in the GREAT NorthEast are coming soon... in the meantime chew on this (via Nate).

Monday, April 16, 2007

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Get Laid...


This is the first shirt I ever created. If you were wondering, I don't feel any ill will towards Don Ho, especially after today's news. What did he leave behind? Two things: 1) tiny bubbles, 2) the greatest Brady Bunch episode ever (1, 2). Rest in peace... ya fucking jerk.

Friday, April 13, 2007

...


Tonight is the night. Tonight is the night that the world will officially come to an end. At my apartment. At my 27th birthday party. Thou Hast Been Warned!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Get Lit... At Our Bar.

Here is NEAR. Click "Read More" for FAAAR.





My Peeps iz Nervous Large...



We've found a cure for World Hunger, and its after the jump.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ima Nappy Headed Ho!

One, tahoo, thrrrree after the jump.(thanx dan)





Friday, April 6, 2007

Ethan "EGG" Hunt...


Here is your mission... if you choose to accept it. Hidden within the vast exspanse of this website are the means to find digital easter eggs. You're getting older now, and some seem to think its inappropriate and downright creepy for you to be gathering REAL easter eggs with little children. Here's your alternative. Check high and low. Click every link. When you find an egg, write down its position (what post and where in the photograph, etc.) and then take all your answers and type them as a comment in THIS post! Winners will receive a very special prize (I swears) and will be the feature of my site for the day. Need help? Click after the jump to get a hint. This post will self destruct in... well, never. GOOD LUCK!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

My Pervert Sense is a Tinglin'...


Mis calcetines son peligrosos!!!


Let's make this short and sweet. You hungry? Are you looking to eat something mexican or spanish or what have you, but you're just not sure its worth dying for? Then hop on the nearest donkey and mosey on down to El Jarocho (pronounced Har-row-cho), on the corner of 13th and Ellsworth. We're talking complimetary home made nachos with TWO types of salsa. We're talking fresh meat and vegetables. We're talking El Telemundo on the big screen. We're talking some chewy candy rainbow thingies at the end with your bill. All this and more, at a reasonable price. Click here for a view of El Jarocho in all its neon glory.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Elegant 2 Elephant...

I want you to meet Devon the Dude, aka the "Richard Pryor of Rap." We were introduced just today by MOKB. Here are two of his songs. Enjoy them, but as Dre reminds us in "What A Job"... we wouldn't like it if he came down to our work and stole a few "colonels" off our corn-on-the-cob. Stealing music = bad, so please... feel free to smoke these, just don't inhale.

Devin the Dude - She Useta Be.mp3

Devin the Dude - What A Job (ft. Snoop Dogg/Andre 3000).mp3

It's Getting Late!

There isn't much time left. The Flyers have all but 3 games remaining in one of the most disappointing seasons ever. Last night's travesty in Toronto came at the hands of the referees (pictured right), after their phantom hooking penalty call on a Flyers forward. Instant replays show Jeff Carter possibly sneezing or breathing heavily in the general direction of Mats (plural) Sundin, who's errant stick caught Carter in the face just seconds prior. On the ensuing man advantage, Bryan McCabe roofed his slap shot from the right circle at 2:18 in OT, producing an ovation from the Leafs bench and fans that one should reserve for a victory in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Paul Maurice, their coach, proceeded to hit things on the bench in a tantrum of triumph.

Apparently there is some huge conspiracy that the NHL needs the Maple Leafs to get into the playoffs. This might have to do with the fact that former zamboni drivers and I are the only people in these United States watching hockey. What's worse? Well, not only are the Flyers really really bad, but last night their true arch nemesis, Martin Brodeur (slept with his sister-in-law) of the New Jersey Devils, tied our very own Bernie Parent for regular season wins(47). Now you ask, "What team faces Broduer with a chance to stop him from passing Bernie Parent's record?" The answer is simple. Your Philadelphia Phantoms... err, I mean Flyers. Sometimes I get confused. Last night, I could've sworn I saw Phlex take a regular shift.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

We Reeeeemember...


We celebraaaaate... We Belieeeeeve. Last week whilst shopping at Super Fresh, I came across a deal on Oncor Family frozen dinners. You might recall catching the commercials for these products, starring Al from "Happy Days" who kept inviting his fat family over to other people's houses to help them finish off the meal. One of the meals in particular, the BBQ RibQuik, caught my eye and acted as some sort of meat-like Flux Capacitor, transporting me back to the span of time between 1994 and 1998. It was during this time that I attended Salesianum all boys (don't ask) High School on Broom St. in Delaware. The two dollar and ten cent hot lunch that everyone went crazy for was... you guessed it... the rib sandwich. This is a meal that'd make you carry all your books for the entire day, for fear that any hesitation would lose you a precious spot in the front of the lunch line. And to think that today I can buy a box of six RibQuiks for 2 dollars, plus the fact that I didn't speak to a girl till my freshman year of college, makes me want to demand some money back from Sallies.

I Predict You'll Have Another!



My new favorite bar, the South Philly Tap Room, is just a block off Broad in lovely South Philadelphia. Head to the corner of 15th and Mifflin for a sampling of what Philly magazine rated "Best Beer Bar" and "Best Juke-Box Bar" in the city. The food ain't half bad either (I recommend the pork sammich). Oh, and you'll never have to wait long or crowd surf to get a quality beer (draught/bottle). When I say that SPTR is a long bar, I mean that its much lengthier than it is wide. And you've heard of loooong division, right? Well... click on the Read More link just below for some loooong addition. Cheers!

Monday, April 2, 2007

A Hat-Trick by Kelly.


Two more after the jump.

.

And the video for "Let Me Borrow That Top" doesn't seem to exist anymore. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, which must be the reason there are so many "Do it Yourself" videos on Youtube. To get the audio, click here

Sunday, April 1, 2007

I know this... Much is... Truuuuuue.

Back in high school, in a poor attempt to impress a classmate, I started a conversation about what "hip-hop" albums and bands I liked. One day prior, I was digging through my sister's CD collection and came upon EPMD's "Business Never Personal." So while he was rattling off the Ice T's and Cubes, Das EFX's and Erick Sermons, I hit him back with this: "I've been listening to a lot of EPMDawn lately." He snorted. He laughed. He guffawed. He asked me to clarify, perhaps thinking I had a slip of the tongue. I replied, with crystal HD-clarity... EPMDawn. You all know who P.M. Dawn is. They've set you adrift on memory bliss. They've told you "I'd die without you." Well who knew that my super innocent, white man nerd delusion would eventually become a reality. To find out how, follow the link below!

In the vein of Danger Mouse's "The Grey Album" and Silence Experiment's "Q-unit's Greatest Hits" comes DJ Maul's "Strictly Bliss-ness." The mash up of hard core EPMD hip hop with the romanticky R&B goodness of P.M. Dawn is being hosted on Idolator, but I can't say it'll be up for long. It appears from skimming the comments section that the creator has taken some legal complaints from one of the band's in question.

BitTorrent File for Whole Album Now Available here

And if you're not feeling the whole thing, download these. But don't take my word for it (bah dum dum).

1. Strictly Adrift on Memory Blissness.mp3

2. I'd Die Wit Out Jane.mp3