the700level.com GRAPHIC Week in Review

As you now know, or should... I occasionally write and produce artwork for the700level.com (see banner). Since I hardly ever contribute here anymore, I figured I'd take the work from there and put it here... k...? Above is the most recent work... just a quick visual to show the "level" fans who's got the ball in Game 3 against the Rockies.

Pens/Flyers Game preview where I discuss the Pens' PWNership of the Fly-Guys.


Gaps... err.. Caps/Flyers preview or Game 3 of the Flyers 2009 season.

I Wanna Suck a Happy Birthday, Dan...

Another year... another Pho Hoa b-day for Dan. And once again, TimTray steals the show.

The Schwam Says...

On the eve of another Philadelphia Flyers Hockey season, I was thinking about how much "people" hate hockey. And by people... I mean ordinary people. People that don't miss NHL 2nite on ESPN. People that don't fawn over the Vs. schedule during the playoffs when they see an east-coast game scheduled for the 7pm time slot followed by a west-coast game at 10pm. These people don't agree with you that "Mites on Ice" should be a professional sport. But what if they did? What if hockey was as popular as American Football and received that type of attention? Pardon me for a minute whilst I wax as Andy Rooney. Didja ever wonder why Steve Sabol of NFL Films never created NHL Films? Why he didn't hire Harry Kalas to do dramatic voice overs of slow motion hockey hi-lights while that "drunken sailor" song played in the background? Why there isn't NHL Countdown hosted by Chris Berman, where he gives all players catchy nicknames? Well I have, and after the JUMP, I take on the roll of the Schwam and give nick-names to all your favorite Flyers Players.

Forwards
1. Jeff "Welcome Back" Carter.
2. Steve "Robert" Downie "Jr."
3. Scottie "Let's go out in Olde City and get fucked" Upshall.
4. Mike "Michael" Richards. (just think, he could exit the penalty box different each time)
5. Arron "If you guys are smoking cigarettes in here, you better have somewhere to" Asham.
6. Mike "The whole kit n'... " Knuble.
7. Danny "Here, there, ev-" Briere.
8. Riley "Can I take your hat and" Cote.
9. Joffrey "Loop de" Lupul
10. Jared "I got it at" Ross.
11. Simon "Back back back" Gagne.
12. Scott "Let my love open the door to your " Hartnell.

Defense
1. Randy "Me and Mrs... Mrs." Jones.
2. Kimmo "Therapy" Timmonen.
3. Lasse "Coo-Coo for "Kukkonen.
4. Ossi "I live in a" Vaananen. (down by the river)
5. Luca "The Irish..." Sisba. (ironic) or Luca "I live on the 2nd floor, I live upstairs from you" Sisba.
6. Steve "Emin" Eminger.
7. Ryan "Don't call me Bernie" Parent.
8. Braydon "My hair" Coburn.

Goalies
1. Marty "Beef and" Biron.
2. Antero "Melick-a" Nittymaki (is the thing to say, on a bright Hawaiin x-mas day).

Honorable Mention: (he didn't make the team, but I've been waiting to use this one...)
Andreas "Cup O'..." Nodl.

thanks to ha-mace for the really stupid ones

By the Power of Grayskull...

Man-Ram... able to will entire baseball teams into the playoffs (according to Joe Buck).

Saturday Morning Cartoons!

Yo.

This is N.

L

P

Philadelphia Flyers Playoff Preview: LOL-PUCKS Edition

Allwhite, allwhite... okay.

Full image, after the JUMP.

Dennis Quaid... is Modernly Amused

and it wasn't because his new-born twin children were poisoned by incompetent nurses. No, its more because he's on 60 minutes wearing hip clothing from Modern Amusement. Why is this important? A few years ago, a former classmate of mine from Uarts named Hershel saved my life. He had a mid-mid-life crisis and decided to move to the West Coast, leaving an open position in the digital retouching field. He called me up and offered me THAT job essentially saving me from a dead-end career as a Super Fresh employee (sorry Anthony). Long story short, I'm in the field (finally) and he has a dream job working on skate-board fashion (sorta) in a place where its always sunny (not philly). Consider this post a digi-thank you, and an excuse to promote his personal blog, artraffle, which can be accessed in my "Friend with Benefits" sidebar under "King of the Jews."

My Loony Bun is Fine Benny Lava... thank you.

via Justin

Temple of Doom: Now Serving Breakfast!!!

Mmmmmm. If you find yourself in downtown Newtown. Downtown Newtown. Newtown Downtown. Whatever. If you find yourself there, and spy a health food shop, duck in so you can make fun of all the boxes with purdy pictures on 'em. After the JUMP are a few more products. And Indy... "Cover your heart!"

Perky O's is an obvious reference to hard nipples. And Good Friends high fiber cereal made me imagine two good friends of different races, pooping together and really enjoying it. Like those two gals are actually on the toilet when that picture is being taken, basking in the wonder of a high fiber diet. What did you get out of it?

It is my firm belief that Enviro Kidz will supplant the Burger King Kid's Club as the most bad-ass product pushing gang of teenagers this side of the Mississippi. And finally, the magic of Wizards plain biscuits is that all the gluten has disappeared. Ala Kazaam!"

Who's Who...?

"I'm not sure how I feel about that movie (No Reservations)... yeah. Well it's got that guy in it... the one from the Sweetest Thing. What's his name?" I had no reply. I knew exactly what she was talking about, but it was like two worlds collided. "Thomas Jane," I answered... but wasn't sure. "Maybe its Aaron Ekhart..." but I wasn't sure about that either. The two men look similar but not identical, or at least not as identical as their so-so careers. But there is something so elusive when trying to discern one from the other in their respective movie roles. I challenge you to read the brief descriptions of movie characters played by Jane and Eckhart and decide "Who's Who?" in each role. Challenge one is simple: Is Thomas Jane pictured above on the left, or the right? Using google as an aide is pointless, you'd only be cheating yourself and the answers have been provided after the JUMP (plus challenge 2-9). Goodluck.

2. My shirt is black with a white skull printed on it. My wife and son were killed by a really lame John Travolta. I like guns and use them often. My name is Frank Castle, a.k.a. the Punisher.

3. I'm stuck in this super market while this foggy pea soup surrounds the outside of the store. Occasionally I tie ropes around people and let them out into said phenomenon, only to pull the rope back with nothing on it but blood. Stephen King named me David Drayton and put me in The Mist.

4. This movie hasn't come out yet, but you have to know about it from the death of Heath Ledger.I'm best pals with Bruce Wayne when playing Harvey Dent, but I'm mortal enemies with his alter ego Batman when I'm Two/Face. Dark Knight indeed.

5. Deepest, bluest... my hat is like a shark's fin. I know what sharks are thinking even though they've been genetically mutated to fight Alziemer's. An empty oxygen tank will fool them once, but not twice. LL and I save the day in the end while the entire rest of the cast expires in the jaws of a couple monsters. I am Carter Blake and you're watching Deep Blue Sea.

6. Did you see the part where I'm covered in Nicotine patches by a extremist group who hates my guts? Too bad my smoking habits actually kept me alive. Perhaps you saw the part where I banged Katie Holmes in my apartment? I'm a smooth talker who tries to convince the real Marlboro man to die rich... and quiet. I'm Nick Naylor and I Thank You for Smoking.

7. Julia Roberts plays a busty wannabe lawyer in this film with me. I'm a dusty biker who stays home and plays mommy while she's taking water samples. My motorcycle and pony tail, not to mention beard might make this one tough. I'm the leather clad babysitter, George, in Erin Brokovich.

8. There is something wrong with the center of the earth, so I'm hopping in a drill with a few buddies to save the world. Attached to the drill is a nuclear weapon that we, my scientists and I, hope will reactivate the earth's core. My name is Dr. Josh Keyes and this is The Core.

<<<>>><<<>>>Lightning Round<<<>>><<<<>>>>

9. I played Pvt. Ash in Thin Red Line. I played Todd Parker in Boogie Nights. I played Burke Hicks in Face/Off. I was the poor man's Brandon Lee in The Crow:City of Angels.

10. I played James Rethrick in the futuristic shoot-em up Paycheck. I played Nick Crozier in Any Given Sunday. I played Stan Krolak in The Pledge. I play a homicide detective opposite the dreamy Josh Hartnett in the Black Dahlia.

1. Left 2. Jane 3. Jane 4. Eckhart 5. Jane 6. Eckhart 7. Eckhart 8. Eckhart 9. Jane 10. Eckhart.

I Can... BELIEVABLE...

Because its Friday... that's why.

Need a Last Minute V-day Gift Idea...?

Coming soon to the Bug.

GrizzlyMan...

My co-worker shops at Zoobilee Zoo.

Stephenville UFO Debunked: Missing "Mac Air" To Blame...

Apparently 12 or so people saw an unidentified flying object in the skies over Stephenville, TX the other day. Today, CEO of Apple Steve Jobs debuted his thinnovative Mac Air laptop at the MacWorld keynote on the West Coast. Coincidence? The new device is thin, metal, shiny, fast and filled with helium. Rumor has it that one of his protypes had gone missing shortly before the conference, sending hundreds of Mac security and PR men scrambling to recover the lost Apple computer. Anyone else find it ironic that I also watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind the other night... WHILE EATING AN APPLE???

Mayhaps He's Lactose Intolerant...

I hear that's going around...

Paranormal State = ChurchTv

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It was laughable and a complete waste of time. There's a demon following you? Your index finger is a invisible cross force field deploying device? At least the preview kept the door open for future factual phenomena. But as for right now...? DEBUNKED.

Call it, Friendo...

I promised myself I'd never do it. There's been so many times and so many oppurtunities to do so, not knowing if the chance would ever rise again. But I said, "NO... NO, good sir. Its just too damn creepy". That all went out the window last night at the Hiway Theater in Jenkintown, where I stopped in to see No Country for Old Men. Alone. When I envision myself seeing a motion picture alone, it sorta ends up as a cross between Tom Hanks from Philadelphia getting blown at Stallion Showcase Cinema on 21st street or Stanley Tucci from the Pelican Brief feigning masturbation by taking off his rope belt and choking a chief justice with it. But I digress.

If ever there was a movie worthy of "making due" with the actions discussed above, N.C.F.O.M is it. Superb yet simple storyline, an all-star lineup... perfectly cast, violence and drama with a dash of humor, and one of the best characters ("Sugar" pictured above) ever to cross the silver screen with an air compressor, make this film a MUST SEE. On a side note, its end is peculiar and deserves a second viewing in order for me to pass judgment on the Super Coen-o Bros.' ability to finish their films.

For a synopsis, sound clips, video clips, Clipse, buddy icons and screen savers, head over to the official site. That is, AFTER you've gone to see the damn thing. P.S. after the JUMP is a trailer that ran before the movie that I'm dying to see.

There Will be Blood. Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead provides the soundtrack. Daniel Day Lewis owns. That silent kid from "Little Miss Sunshine" is in it, and should've stayed silent. "I can't keep doing this on my own, with these... people."

Alive n' Kickin'...

or Punchin'. My friend Phil is in fact... still alive. You see, after changing his phone number and email I had come to the conclusion that he in fact, was dead. Not the case... so beware all those that cross his path. Show some 'respeck' or get punched the digi-equivalent of 828... IN THE FACE.