Call it, Friendo...

I promised myself I'd never do it. There's been so many times and so many oppurtunities to do so, not knowing if the chance would ever rise again. But I said, "NO... NO, good sir. Its just too damn creepy". That all went out the window last night at the Hiway Theater in Jenkintown, where I stopped in to see No Country for Old Men. Alone. When I envision myself seeing a motion picture alone, it sorta ends up as a cross between Tom Hanks from Philadelphia getting blown at Stallion Showcase Cinema on 21st street or Stanley Tucci from the Pelican Brief feigning masturbation by taking off his rope belt and choking a chief justice with it. But I digress.

If ever there was a movie worthy of "making due" with the actions discussed above, N.C.F.O.M is it. Superb yet simple storyline, an all-star lineup... perfectly cast, violence and drama with a dash of humor, and one of the best characters ("Sugar" pictured above) ever to cross the silver screen with an air compressor, make this film a MUST SEE. On a side note, its end is peculiar and deserves a second viewing in order for me to pass judgment on the Super Coen-o Bros.' ability to finish their films.

For a synopsis, sound clips, video clips, Clipse, buddy icons and screen savers, head over to the official site. That is, AFTER you've gone to see the damn thing. P.S. after the JUMP is a trailer that ran before the movie that I'm dying to see.

There Will be Blood. Johnny Greenwood from Radiohead provides the soundtrack. Daniel Day Lewis owns. That silent kid from "Little Miss Sunshine" is in it, and should've stayed silent. "I can't keep doing this on my own, with these... people."

To Fast Readers Go the Spoils...

On Saturday, July 21st at 12:30 am, Rachel and I embarked on a great journey into center city. Our motive? To secure the final instalment of J.K. Rowling's epic Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." Our destination? The Borders on the corner of Broad and Chestnut. Yes, people dressed up. Yes, people discussed who R.A.B. was. Yes people surmised "who was gerna get kilt" and why. We're nerds. Deal with it. After the jump, photo proof of Potter dedication, of being inside Borders LOOOONG after it should have been closed, and of Pottermania forcing fans to sit outside the store and read it immediately.

Rachel reserved two copies of the book so that we could each read simultaneously. It was a stroke of genius, due to the fact I barely could contain myself after the last book launch. I had bought a copy of the previous book, "Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince", at Super Fresh where I was receiving manager. As a sign of my love and affection, I let her read it first. She takes her time... and I nearly died.

I started re-reading "The Half Blood Prince" on Tuesday the 17th. I completed it on Saturday night, around 8 o'clock. Rach had started it that morning and her collective "ooohs" and "aaaahs" made me hit the gas pedal on my own literary journey. I couldn't believe how much I had forgotten since reading it the first time and it made the last book much more enjoyable. At 10pm on Saturday, I started Deathly Hallows. I finished it on Monday, late... having read 283 pages in one night alone. I was worried that someone would ruin it for me, maybe by accident... maybe on purpose. The very next day, someone mentioned a significant death from the book to me. And I scoffed... I scoffed at her and at her niece for blabbering. For I had known! I'm also quite suprised at how quiet everyone is being about the book. No major spoilers. No plot reveals on blog websites. Some might say its luck. I say... magic.

The book was great. I was not extremely ga-ga about its climax, but the "19 years later" conclusion made my day. Expect a full review somewhere down the line.

Everybody Hurts...

I hated Spiderman 3. I loathed it. You've probably heard it elsewhere on the web, but it really can't be said enough. Every single character in this movie cries at least twice. The producers of Spiderman 3 should have hooked up with Kleenex for some sort of promotional deal. After the jump you'll get my cliff's notes version of why this is the worst film of all time.

1. see headline.

2. Sandman didn't have that baddass corn rows hair-do from the comics.

3. At one point during the film, I thought I had stumbled into "Dreamgirls" or "Chicago." There's two songs AND a dance number.

4. The Black suit allows Spidey all sorts of new abilities. It lets him look like Jared Leto from 30 seconds to Mars. It lets him play the piano in a jazz club like he was Thelonius Monk. Plus, it makes his dick bigger.

5. Kirsten Dunst is starting to look like her last name sounds. And Bryce Dallas Howard looks like an albino in a blonde wig. PASTY!

6. Speaking of B.D.H., Sam Raimi seems to be stealing some things from M. Night Shamalammayammmadongski. With each new film, he's giving more screen time and more lines to Stan Lee and Bruce Campbell.

7. I thought we'd make it through a Spiderman film where the CGI artists wouldn't have him whoring out the American flag. Guess not.

8. And finally, three words: Saturday Night Fever.

La-di-da-di-da-di-diddy-diddy-daaaa.

The wife and I attended XPN presents "the Decemberists, with special guests My Brightest Diamond" at the Tower Theater Tuesday night in West Philly. One might say this particular post is a veritable bomb of multimedia content, featuring multiple photographs, links to songs, textual highlights and a film of youtubity goodness. Full details are after the jump off point, so just jump off.

- taking the Frankford Market el is hella inexpesnive/convenient.

- the lead singer or My Brightest Diamond wore a white pants suit. She acknowledged this to all in attendance.

- lead singer Colin Meloy talks funny. He sings funnier. Things he actually says to the crowd = funniest.

- the stage (from row L) looked like this.

- when asked to sing the hook (see headline^)of Sixteen Military Wives the loudest, the LORCH won.

- sitting during a concert makes Jenny Conlee (keyboard) nervous. I believe it was O'Valencia that finally did the deed.

- i think a whale ate the band.

Sparta is for Lovers.

I lied. Sparta is for fighters. I found this out while watching "300", the most recent film adaptation of a Frank Miller graphic novel which chronicles the Battle of Thermopylae. We follow the story of King Leonidas, who's upbringing tells us that growing up Spartan is really tough. Why, even preconceived babies are denied umbilical chords and forced to survive off amniotic fluid and the occassional stem cell before birth. Then the young warriors are beaten up by their fathers for a couple hours a day and plopped on a mountainside in the middle of winter with nary a Land's End cardigan. It gets worse: your voice changes, you get hair in places its never been and your face resembles something like a Little Caesar's pizza.

The movie is very entertaining and action packed. The fight scenes are beautifully hypnotic and incredibly graphic. I was much more aware of the violence in movies like "Braveheart" or "Saving Private Ryan", two films that displayed death and dismemberment in a matter of fact "this is how it happens" way. 300's use of hi-speed and ultra slo-motion camera work made the more gruesome blows seem graceful, like a fine ballet. Its a process that works, thankfully... because the battles make up about 95% of the film. That being said, the movie is not without its faults... which I'll share with you now in a piece I call, "300 Things I Hated About 300." Enjoy!

1. Aristodemus is the "missing an eye" narrator, also known as Faramir from Lord of the Rings, who decided to speak his lines as if he were my grandfather. Watch this, and mid-way through you'll hear an old codger sing "He faced the galloping hordes." That's how this guys talks through the WHOLE picture.

2. When casting the role of Malian Ephialtes, the deformed Spartan who betrays his kin by helping the Persians, they decided to use Sloth from the Goonies.

3. Frank Miller's dialog doesn't transfer very well to film. In fact, when spoken out loud by a professional like James Earl Jones, the dialog would still be cornier than an ear of corn, on a corn stalk in a corn field somewhere in Corn-onia.

4. Upon leaving the theater, I thought how some American troops might latch onto this film and use it as inspiration for the War in Iraq. But then I realized if anything, the 300 Spartans represent the small band of Al Qaida terrorists that are PWNING the U.S. Military.

5. The original graphic novel had the Spartans completely naked except for their helmets, shields and red cloaks. Having seen numerous nipples and breasts in the film, I felt my girlfriend was robbed of an opportunity to see Spartan dong.

6. The Spartan King is played by Gerard Butler and he looks like this. Um, I don't think so. Even with facial hair, this guy looks nothing like the Leonidas in the film. I was under the impression that Smiley from "Training Day", Cliff Curtis, played the Spartan King. What the F' is going on here...?

7. Apparently, the film is really racist towards Persians. Do those guys still exist...? I have a Persian rug, and it seems nice enough. Maybe the use of Persian goon squad monster thingers was a bit over the top.

8.There's this really jacked old guy who helps the Spartan Queen gain audience with the council so she can get her hubby some backup. Before I saw the film, I read in a review that the Queen bangs this politician to help out her husband. I kept dreading the point in the movie where this really nice old guy slips off his cloak and does the deed, but then it ended up being this whole other politician. And on top of that, the reviewer tells us of that this adulterous subplot isn't even in the graphic novel the movie is based on. It begs the question, "Wouldn't a Spartan rather die in battle than have their Queen take it hard from some crooked(not in the pants) council member?" E'gads.

9. Sin City and 300 are fun, above and beyond most comic book cinematic abominations (Ghostrider). But I fear that with continued success, Hollywood is going to make movies out of everything Frank Miller has ever done, including that short graphic novel he made about his son learning to go number 2 on the potty.

10-300. The trailer for Spiderman 3 preceded "300" and I must say that Tobey Maguire's portrayal of Peter Parker makes me want to bash myself in the face with something blunt. And the CGI is deplorable with effects even worse than that of the first two movies. I'd rather have stop motion animation of the Krakken from "Clash of the Titans" than what we have here. Oh, and apparently the Sandman killed Uncle Ben, not the thief from the original film (and comics). Yeah, and it turns out that Uncle Ben is a black man who's good at cooking rice. Where do you come up with this stuff, Raimi?