Thursday, April 26, 2007

How 2 Shade Out, on a Shady Shadester.

Joe Manning, aka Joe Manna, aka Jimmy Sebra, aka the Shadow, is the shadiest character ever to float across the face of this earth. This power usually pertains to his ability to get to a front row seat at a concert he didn't even pay for in the first place. In this particular post, I focus in on his use of shadow to get away from danger, like a squid using his ink to evade a predator. Invite him to a party or some sort of social gathering, and if he does in fact show (something he's gotten better at), he'll eventually fade into the dark recesses of some corner and disappear, never to be seen again. I am NOT exagerrating. He's more elusive than Brian Westbrook in the open field. At one point he'll be there drinking your beer and complaining that its not New Castle, or he'll be manipulating your Itunes party playlist so that 3 Phish songs play shortly after 3 Talking Heads songs are through, and then POOF (BAMF), he's gone. No goodbye. No thanks for having me. Rumor has it that he recently broke up with this girl he was dating, and 1 month later she awoke to realize he wasn't there... and that she was in fact single. He's THAT good. After the jump, a tale of how the tables were turned on young Joe, plus some pictures of the place.

My video, as you now know, details the major mishap of the night at Mr. Manning's first party at his new place. The keg was FUGG'D. This is a re-occuring problem for Joe. I recall one time attending a party at Joe's old house, where he had to cut open a party ball and empty its contents into a utility sink for mass consumption. Mishap II involves the poor male/female ratio at this party. There were 116 guys and two and a half girls. Now, I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years, so it isn't exactly mandatory that there be a decent male/female ratio at any party I'm attending. I'm not looking, but it helps put everybody in a good mood when there's a potential for sexual tomfoolery between SOMEONE and SOMEONE else. Truth be told, there was just too much uncertainty at this party (his first I might add, so there's potential for the future). Will that big kid go and get his own tap? Should we go to a bar and get beer and come back? Should we just hit up South Street? How long can I talk to Ray about having sex with Becky at her beach house? Something had to be done.

So, tearing a page out of Mr. Manning's manual of the SHADE... I waited for Rach(my gf) to exit the bathroom, grabbed her by the wrist and said, "Let's go." "What...? Shouldn't we say goodbye...?" she said. "Noooo... let's run... let's become one with the shadows," I said. So I led her to the front door, both of us casting one last look back to the kitchen . I remind you, we are amateurs. Joe has been doing this for years, so there was a bit of fear and trepidation in all of this. We opened the front door and pulled it closed behind us. The latch on the door clasped shut with a click... and we were on our way into the night.

To bring all this nonsense to a close, I can sum up this experience using an action sequence from the Lord of the Rings. When we took leave from the party, it felt like we were Frodo putting on the ring TO RULE THEM ALL. We stepped into this other world, this dark realm. We passed two kids on their way back to the party and I swear they looked just like those witch kings. "You guys leaving?" they asked. There was no answer. Our reply came in the rustling of leaves or in the squeal of a rusty street sign. We were no longer there. There was nothing to be seen... only the shadows.

from Joe's rooftop.

the back grotto


Joe Manning said...

I knew that you had shaded out. I could feel it as it happened. I was too drunk to realize exactly what was the sensation meant, but I could perceieve an unnatural shift in the multi-verse.

Great "grotto" pictures by the way. 30 people at this party and you've got three shots of christmas lights on concrete.

Matt P said...

This is a nice reward for my having skipped a Joe Manning Day Parade. Who could have predicted there'd be a beer vs. technology issue at a 'Manning? I'm reminded of holding a keg of Newcastle over that same utility sink while others pressed a screwdriver into the button and beer dripped out into a pitcher.