Allwhite, allwhite... okay.

Full image, after the JUMP.

Clarke

I Need a Moment...

and here you are thinking, "What does this have to do with his eyeball?" To answer your idiotic digi-question... "Nothing!" Not a damn thing. I have found that as I get older, I neglect things that used to take top priority. Video games spring to mind. More recently, the blog has been neglected for stretches of time. You see, I created this blog as a "instant gravitas" outlet for my illustrations and art work. Now that I've built up some of my portfolio, I need to focus on getting my real site up and running. I need to do my taxes. I need to finish my resume. I need to buy tickets to go see my brother in Fla. The point is, I don't have time to put up my crappy pictures on a daily basis. I'm working on an uber-huge political illustration, and you probably won't hear a digi-peep out of me till it is done. So till then... the eye(s) have it.

Skyscrapers...

Pretend I'm Andy Rooney for one second. "Didyoueverwonder how those streaks in the sky get made? Well so did I. They're made by air-o-planes, as seen in our video after the JUMP. I'm incredibly old."

How Low Can Our Dollar Go...?

Apparently, pretty fuckin' god-damned low...

Dennis Quaid... is Modernly Amused

and it wasn't because his new-born twin children were poisoned by incompetent nurses. No, its more because he's on 60 minutes wearing hip clothing from Modern Amusement. Why is this important? A few years ago, a former classmate of mine from Uarts named Hershel saved my life. He had a mid-mid-life crisis and decided to move to the West Coast, leaving an open position in the digital retouching field. He called me up and offered me THAT job essentially saving me from a dead-end career as a Super Fresh employee (sorry Anthony). Long story short, I'm in the field (finally) and he has a dream job working on skate-board fashion (sorta) in a place where its always sunny (not philly). Consider this post a digi-thank you, and an excuse to promote his personal blog, artraffle, which can be accessed in my "Friend with Benefits" sidebar under "King of the Jews."

My Sham-hawks... Let Me Show You Thems...

The 17th of March is the celebration of St. Patrick casting out all the snake jawns in Ireland for not paying their taxes. And since the storied fable has no mention whatsoever of the consumption of alcohol, I drank just ONE beer over the weekend and had 0 beers on the day in question. 1 + 0 = Me not dying because I didn't drink on St. Paddy's. Try it sometime... your liver will thank you. After the JUMP: a questionable fashion choice/statement, yours truly, Staples, and leprechaun ladies.

They started early on Saturday... I hope that's fake.

We're gonna make such cute babies.

A REAL sham-hawk... and two lovely ladies. The Boondock Saints was stereotypically looping in the background.

Steve Downie, who made my milk expire...

is in town to play the Toronto Maple Leafs. He is also responsible for more than most people realize. For the full list, click here. For what started this whole mess, check after the JUMP.

Little Andy Says...

I believe it was, "Durrrrrrr." This is a photoshop shout out to all those who would even remember this, circa 2000.

My Loony Bun is Fine Benny Lava... thank you.

via Justin

It's Always (sometimes) Sunny in (south) Philadelphia.

Come with me on a sunset stroll down a street in my (our) favorite part of the city. Passyunk's the name, from its intersection with 13th all the way up to Broad. Sunset-lit oddities are the game, as always... after the JUMP.

((((((((extra credit))))))))))

After the brisk walk, I was treated to a colorful meal of Pierogies, peppers, onions and asparagus with shaved parmesan cheese on top.

Drink Like You Aren't Almost 30...!!!

What do you do when you can't find the time to see your old buddies on a regular basis? When you can't get the "band" back together for a couple of drinks due to conflicting schedules (cough*girlfriends*cough)? You plan an elaborate trip to AC with all the guys, in the hopes that stories will be shared, chips will beget more chips, and the beer will flow. What follows after the JUMP is a visual "how to," so that you and your pals can have as much fun as we did. And then promise to never do it again the next morning.

Step one: Go to Hooter's and buy a pitcher of beer EACH. That's 6 pitchers. The waitresses couldn't believe us. My liver couldn't believe me. I was the last to finish, but I must admit... I was also in the best shape out of most the next morning.

You know those ole urban legend stories about kids getting caught in the escalator and their skin ripping off. WELL... just to let you know, that didn't happen down AC. What did happen is a female wearing the most elaborate snow boots since Lloyd Christmas stepped out of his lamborginhi in Dumb and Dumber, got her boot caught in the escaltor. The boot ripped off of her body violently as she screamed for help. She made the mistake of wearing the most eye catching socks this man has ever bore witness to, and she spent the rest of the night walking around with one boot. How do I know this? We passed her on the way back to Hooter's for our 2nd round of beer pitchers. I was the last to finish for a second time, for the record.

Jim had a rough night. He did a face plant while running after Phil on the sidewalk. He dusted himself off and picked himself up in time to flip off the car of people that asked if he was alright. After more man-wrestling, he eventually drifted off to Hoagie-ville. This was the point where we took everything in the hotel room that wasn't bolted down, and placed it on him. Phil said it was something like a game of "Human Jenga." When Jim got his second wind, he threw and crushed all the pieces of the game and went back to man-wrestling. Phil then proceeded to dominate him and throw him off the bed where he smashed the nightstand with his head. A bleeding hand and two head lumps later, Jim was off to sleep again and down for the count.

They made a movie about Room 1408. Well, the sequel would be called "Room 119, Lamentations of a poor maid". At 8 or so in the morning, Tom arose from his comfy spot in front of the radiator on the floor. He attempted to sidle out the door to throw up, but couldn't get it open wide enough due to all the chairs and debris we piled up in front of it. Foiled, he made the trek over me on the floor, fell twice, entererd the bathroom, yakked everywhere but the toilet... climbed over me again, and went back to sleep. I left a knit cap in that room. Hoagie left his face soap and contact solution. Tom left his dignity.

(((((((((((((((((EXTRA CREDIT)))))))))))))))))))

On Wednesday and Thursday of last week, I pulled a Wachovia double header by attending the Sixers' big win over the Magic and the Flyers' big win over the Sens respectively. There are no images of the first game (sorry Gary), but enjoy this tidbit or two from Game 2. The canned beer was a flowin'... and the gatherings in the smokey bowels of the Wach after the game were growin'.

Miles and Miles and Miles...

I drive car. I get to 99,999 miles. I drive 1 mile. I get to 100,000 miles.

Temple of Doom: Now Serving Breakfast!!!

Mmmmmm. If you find yourself in downtown Newtown. Downtown Newtown. Newtown Downtown. Whatever. If you find yourself there, and spy a health food shop, duck in so you can make fun of all the boxes with purdy pictures on 'em. After the JUMP are a few more products. And Indy... "Cover your heart!"

Perky O's is an obvious reference to hard nipples. And Good Friends high fiber cereal made me imagine two good friends of different races, pooping together and really enjoying it. Like those two gals are actually on the toilet when that picture is being taken, basking in the wonder of a high fiber diet. What did you get out of it?

It is my firm belief that Enviro Kidz will supplant the Burger King Kid's Club as the most bad-ass product pushing gang of teenagers this side of the Mississippi. And finally, the magic of Wizards plain biscuits is that all the gluten has disappeared. Ala Kazaam!"

A Metaphor... if you will.

Walk with me now, down the aisle of a Target store. On the top shelf, we have the best society can offer. Imagination and inventiveness. Playfulness and exploration. The youth of America on this shelf are curious and have a interactive innocence (especially in reguards to Wild Time Pin Print). After the JUMP, I provide you with visual evidence that the youth of America, the ones that "hang" on the lower shelf, have a lot of catching up to do.

We from the lower shelf... SALUTE YOU!

So close to one another, yet oh so far away. Please, help support the "lower shelf" youth of America in any way you can.

The Flying Cool-Lee-Ay Bros.

Chad has become quite the office entertainer. To see the other two bros., you should really READ MORE.

I'd Imagine...

this is what the basement of the Alamo looks like. Actually, this is a stable for all the bikes used in the MS:City to Shore bike tour that helps fight Multiple Sclerosis. For more information on that subject, click the link above. For one of the greatest clips in cinema history, look after the JUMP. "Meant to do that."

He Got Game...

Above, my winning hand at a little game they call Dirty Minds. Here's an example of how you play. Player one says, "I'm a four letter word. I'm a name for a woman. I end in u-n-t." Player two says, "Cunt!" Player three says, "No you idiot, its aunt. As in aunt and uncle..." and wins the game. I'm player three. Get enough cards to spell dirty (or dirrrrrty) and you win.

Above, my legacy laid out in the form of Monopoly cards. It all started with my acquisition of the Rail-Roads, and the rest is history. I end this post with a few lines from the Lion King's Mufasa. "Everything the light touches, Simba, will be yours."