Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Getting You Ready for Halloween: Part 6!

UPDATES: I plumb forgot to add a final picture to this post, its all the way at the end. Enjoy!

Three or four years ago, I was wallowing in a dead end job at Super Fresh as a Receiving Manager (f' you Conroy). In mid-October, Halloween was quickly approaching and I couldn't think of anything to be. I found myself in the paper goods aisle with plates, napkins and PAPER TOWELS and an image caught my eye. He was tall and broad. He was strong and chiseled, his crisp flannel shirt cutting the brisk Vermont winds. I dreamt that he'd just chased an opposing Lumberjack out of town for poaching woodchucks. He'd wrestle bears... and women. He'd whittle end tables out of fallen trees. He was the stereotypical epitome of a man's man. And I thought... no, I knew at that very moment what I was going to be for Halloween that year. To see the 2nd greatest Halloween costume of all time... you're gonna have to JUMP.

I was, the Brawny man. The case of Bounty towels was a found prop at one of the parties I attended. IMPROV!

Listening to my heartbeat in not the most practical spot, but probably the most fun. I created the girth and length of the Brawny man's ((ahem)) dong by coupling my entire sock collection (along with my father's) with a knee sock and rubber bands. It was a sort of peniscular cotton tube socked Voltron, with each varied part posing little threat on their own, but uniting to form the ultimate super hero (in the pants).

Balancing miller lite can on said ((ahem)) dong. Back then, the Eagles were actually good and also popular.

What the Brawny Man might look like just before having sex with you. And by using the product he so proudly promotes, you'll have easy clean up afterwards.

For those of you born and raised the early 80's... this fine gentlema... woman... whatever he is... should be a breeze for you to identify. If not... cheat. P.S. this guy totally made out with my friend Michelle (angel in picture above) in the backseat of a car I was in... THEY WERE RIGHT NEXT TO ME... I pretended to be asleep.

OH, and you might be asking, "What was the greatest costume of all time, if this one was the 2nd greatest?" One word... WHAM! Happy Halloween everyone.

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